The Holidays Hold Many Stories: Extending Grace This Season

by Jennifer Villena MFT

People often describe the holidays as a joyful time filled with twinkling lights, festive gatherings, and special moments with loved ones. But not everyone feels excited or at ease during this season. For many, the holidays bring up complicated emotions, memories, and expectations. Sometimes, it can feel like something to get through rather than something to look forward to.

I know this from my own experience. My childhood Christmases weren’t always magical or comforting. As a kid, I never knew if the holidays would be fun or disappointing. That uncertainty changed how I felt about the season. Even as I grew up and some family issues improved, the holidays never fully brought back the excitement I once hoped for. Instead, I found myself getting ready emotionally, almost preparing for anything that might happen.

When I became a mother, everything shifted again. My focus turned to creating beautiful memories for my daughter, giving her the experiences I didn’t always have. Her joy brought more light into my holidays, but it didn’t erase the heaviness that crept in as the season approached. Often, I found myself putting on a strong front, showing up with enthusiasm while privately carrying a sense of dread I didn’t fully understand until much later. For years, I chalked it up to working in retail. But eventually, I realized I had tied the holidays to old, painful memories that still lived in my body.

Now, as a therapist, I notice this pattern in many of my clients. People talk about feeling sad, overwhelmed, pressured, grieving, or numb, even though they think they should be enjoying the season. This is something many people go through. The holidays can remind us of what we missed, what we lost, what has changed, or what we still hope for.

That’s why it’s important to approach this season with compassion, both for others and for ourselves.

Not everyone is having the same holiday experience.

Some people feel happy and full of energy. Others are grieving. Some feel anxious, overwhelmed, or stressed by family situations. Others feel lonely, even when surrounded by people. Some are just tired from trying to keep everything together.

If someone you know seems distant, quiet, or less festive than you expected, try to keep this in mind:
It’s not about you.
It’s not something you did.
It’s something they’re carrying.

The holidays can bring back both good and painful memories. They can make us think about connection and loss. They remind us of the families we grew up with, the ones we have now, or the ones we wish we had.

So this season, let’s extend grace.

Grace for the person who isn’t in the holiday spirit.
Grace for the friend who cancels plans because the season feels heavy.
Grace for the partner who seems withdrawn.
Grace for the parent who is trying their best while navigating their own emotional landscape.
Grace for yourself, if you think this time of year brings up more than you expected.

Let others have their experience, even if it’s different from yours. Let yourself have yours, too.

The truth is, the holidays don’t need to be perfect to matter. They don’t have to look like what we see online or what we imagine others are experiencing. Sometimes, making memories means being present, honest, and kind.

And sometimes the greatest gift we can offer one another is understanding.